945 days

Since my son was born we have been at the mercy of others.

Losing my independence was one of the hardest parts of becoming a mom. It’s enough to make me in no rush to have more kids. I know everyone loses freedom when our children are born but for me it was different.

I couldn’t go to a single place alone with him. No quick runs to Target to get out of the house. Not even a simple walk around the block on a sunny day. If he had a doctor appointment both me and my husband had to take off work.

When we were alone, we stayed in the house where I could keep him safe.

As an infant, I couldn’t carry him or the heavy carseat. As he grew older I couldn’t carry him and struggled with the buttons to open the straps on his booster carseat.

He is now more self sufficient but I still worry about him in parking lots and crowds. He’s only 2 1/2 and his ability to follow instructions waivers.

Lately he has started climbing in his seat by himself. I have also become an expert at getting him to cooperate with me – making simple tasks seem fun.

I thought this Father’s Day would be a good time to try out our first taste of independence.

Following our family traditions, my husband left at the crack of dawn to golf with his dad. Me and Oliver stayed home and ate breakfast, watched cartoons and got ready to go visit my dad for awhile.

The moment had arrived.

Our things were packed, the car was loaded and I yelled to Oliver, let’s go visit grandma and grandpa.

He let out a whoop and raced to the door. I held it open and he followed me to the car. I opened the car door and he climbed in. I buckled him up and grinned.

The past two years we all started our Father’s Day hours before things started and left the house insanely early when my husband left for golfing – I had no choice because I needed help getting him in the car.

It felt so good. We could follow our own schedule for the first time.

As we backed out of the driveway I smiled at Oliver and said, we did it buddy, just you and me. I let out a celebratory YIPPEEEE and he echoed back at me.

After 945 days of always needing others, this was a moment I’ll never forget.

6 thoughts on “945 days

  1. Haha! I just finished the chapter in my book about what life was like after my son was born… the chapter is tentatively titled, "Losing It All." We fight all our lives to be independent, only to give it away, at least for a while. Ethan started climbing in his own carseat at about 1 1/2… so helpful! I think you probably lost more in the way of independence than me, but I still stayed home 99% of the time out of sheer terror that someone might butt in or something might go wrong. I'm in no big hurry to do it all again either, but we will. And when we do, I'll be much more confident.


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